Forever Apart of Me
by BlameItOnBeingGemini
Summary: As Rose deals with the death of her beloved she finds something very important about herself. Read and review.


**A/n- Another oneshot of Rose/Bella because I just love this pairing and there are barely anything for them it is in Rose's P.O.V. it is her dealing with a death, and trying to find herself in the process. Hope you like it. Review if you take the time to read.  
>Xoxo,<br>Kristyn**

I know I have to face the day when my mornings will not be as sweet when I'll wake up and feel like something is missing and nothing is there. Will you be waking up next to something else that isn't me? Every day I fear this morning is getting closer, that the ending is soon approaching and there will be no new beginning?

I'm trying to find something to base my life upon, something besides you. Something in this strange world that goes on and on just somewhere to start anew. As the years go by and time fades away, what used to be "good days" are now filled with dismay. Tomorrow comes, and then again, and then it goes, and my ambition to become something more, grows and grows.

It's around the corner, yet miles away, the life I want now, gets closer each day. All I've ever wanted was something to live for, I found it. But now you are gone and I don't want to be this little person anymore. I once was basing my life upon what others think, I wish I could go back and redo everything, every time an eye would blink.

I've fought to become who I am and what I want to be, I have to remind myself that one day, I will be free. Free from the rules I followed as a child, when everything was a game and life was so mild. Now times have changed and I realize nothing is fair, and sometimes it seems like nobody even cares.

It's like no one pays attention to what I feel is best for me, and what I think about the way some things should be. I understand now, that I'm pretty much on my own, and I know a lot of what I can do will never be known. All the time, I think about everything I can't say, what I have to keep in, and by doing this, my thoughts only get more complicated and deepen. Soon I hope to find out who I am, and what I am meant to become, if it's without you can I ever be someone.

Because every night when I fall asleep I close my eyes and hope for a dream. I sleep in hopes of dreaming that everything would be like it was before, but I can't get that chance because reality will not leave me alone.

I will always have to confess one thing nothing scares me more than losing the person that I have always had by my side. At nights I'll feel so alone and lost without you, and maybe you'll be lonesome too. I turn to my left the side where you once laid, and feel for the heat of your body that has long gone away.

I know I'm being selfish for wanting something I can't have forever, wanting someone for myself when she was born to shine for everyone else. You know if you love them set them free, but when you're so scarred of losing someone. Letting them free tears your heart in half with fear of them never coming back. But I will always feel in my heart and in my soul that you belong to me. No matter the distance and no matter the place you will be mine. For we will never be separated as you will always live in my heart.

Your ghost haunts me, reminding me of what I lost, but you shouldn't have to pay the cost of death. For you are still young you haven't lived your life yet but still your soul departs. My mornings are getting colder, my nights are getting restless. I will never stop thinking about the day I'll have to say it. The day I bid your ghost farewell, when I realize that you really aren't there.

That day is getting closer I feel it coming to an end the day I've been wishing never to come. I'll watch helplessly as your ghost wave's goodbye and you turn around to leave forever out of my life. A part of me will die the day I'll let you go, and a part of me will cry as your spirit begin to soar.. You're my angel forever a part of me now and always, now spread your wings and fly.

What hurts the most is surely to make you cry because you never left me till you slowly began to die. You were sick this I knew we tried to make most of the time we had though our minutes were few. You saved me the day you came into my life. You lifted up my spirits, and taught me how to fly.

I try not to be bitter though it's hard because no one will ever know how I feel. For I cannot even begin to explain it all. Nobody to love. Nobody to blame. Everyone always the same feeling sorry for the girl who lost her lover and best friend.

I have nothing to care about, and nobody's left to care for me. It's kind of sad knowing what is true, cause then you know who's there for you. Most of them just put on that act a lot of them talk bad behind my back. For the hate in the air are strong these days, and everyone hates me because I'm gay.

The ice in my heart should of taken over by now, but because of you I remain loving of myself. So here it comes the day I go take this world on by myself. So today I say goodbye to my lover to my friend, Goodbye Bella, but I'm not truly saying goodbye. Because you are forever apart of me and forever never ends even though you are gone our love will never end.

**A/n- I wasn't shooting for sad, but anyways tell me what you think!  
>Xoxo,<br>Kristyn**


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